Pure Indecencies

So I tried eharmony for shits and giggles. Everyone on there is ugly, boring, and insecure. All the guys have beauty pageant answers… “i love doing new things and being responsible and fulfilling my goals.” Don’t do it.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my friend from college.  It was refreshing to be around someone who is not only intelligent, but brilliant.  We road tripped, and honestly my favorite part was the conversation in the car.  I want to remember and look back at everything we talked about.

First we talked about his life. He is passionate and aspires to be a famous writer.  It was odd to me that he desired the fame, as he is not usually concerned with the types of things everyone else is.  He explained to me that every writer experiences a certain amount of egomania in that they want others to praise and applaud their work.  By others, I mean those apart of the literary community.  I still don’t comprehend that one hundred percent, only because I know the other english majors we studied with, even though it was at a small school, and I know how little they really understood literature.  I also know the field I’m in currently, and how little some(certainly not all) professionals know about my line of work.  I feel like even within these higher level communities, academia and otherwise, people still don’t know what they’re talking about most of the time.  I feel like he is so knowledgeable, he shouldn’t require that validation.  He should know how brilliant he is.  I haven’t read his writing yet, but I know how well he communicates orally, and imagine with the effort he puts towards constantly improving himself, his writing must be fantastic.

That’s another important concept we talked about: our society’s resistance to being extraordinary.  God this was fucking enlightening.  He talked about how he was watching congress discuss these PIPA and SOPA issues, and how they all denied that they were “nerds” and did not know all there was to know about the subject.  He said the word they were looking for was “expert” instead of “nerd,” and that had they used the word expert, it would have been frowned upon because American society wants to be able to relate to those who are in control of our government and future as a country.  We both agreed this was mind boggling.  It’s inconceivable that citizens would want people representing them to have a similar IQ rather than one above their own.  We both agreed, we wanted people smarter than us controlling our future.

How does this relate to resisting the extraordinary? Because our society pushes conformity, and to conform to our society is to be thankful for what you have.  Although this seems like a reasonable idea, to be grateful for your job, to be grateful for what you have, this means you are not aspiring for something better.  Once you become too thankful, you become too comfortable to work for your dreams or passions.  Not only that, but people who are not on the same intelligence, skill, etc. level, possibly an “expert” of some kind, are by the rest of the community, society, or population shunned/shut out for standing out.

With regards to all of these, we talked about the preservation of intelligence.  That for some people, intelligence is inherent, and for others it is acquired, but for both, intelligence has to be constantly fostered, just to keep what you currently have.  That those who are intelligent have an obligation to the rest of society to continue and constantly learn more for the possible and hopeful betterment of the majority.

The reason for this is the American degradation of academia.  We talked about how the importance of academia has been replaced with the importance of being social.  Skills and intelligence are no longer valued in our society because most people, including ourselves, make a living based on our abilities to interact with others.  With that, I don’t mean genuine or honest interaction, but socially acceptable and popular interaction.  The idea is to please others, not through true wit, but through knowledge of pop culture and other intellectually depreciating agencies.  This connects back to the idea of avoiding the extraordinary.  Containing yourself to social interaction inhibits any kind of extraordinary behavior or accomplishments.

Next we talked about what the relationships in these social interactions encompassed.  With regards to marital relationships, we talked about the psychology behind it.  For a man, marriage is motivated by a slavery-esque desire in that he looks forward to hearing the vows a woman makes to him.  These vows instill a sense of ownership over the woman.  I thought that was an interesting way of looking at it.

Then we talked about the need to be surrounded by others constantly.  We both agree, we truly value our alone time.  Obviously, neither of us have totally escaped social interaction entirely, because we were obviously around eachother.  But for those who constantly need to be around others, they do so because there is a fear of loneliness.  This is because instinctually, there is strength in numbers, to be cliche about it.  To be alone is to be vulnerable to the masses, so it is safer to be apart of the mass. (again going back to avoiding the extraordinary)

The converse is the current medium of social interaction.  Social networking and texting most emphatically, have made social interaction entirely impersonal and physically uninteractive.  By connecting to such “social” channels, people inconsequently, disconnect.

We talked about religion.  That’s one we always talk about, and he constantly cracks me up about.  I love his perspective of it.  To paraphrase, those who are religious are little kids operating big avatar bodies.  This is because, once a person matures and has adult realizations that life and people are just a big shitty ball of shit, a person grows out of the fantasies of religion.  Christ is as new an idea as Horus.  A copied idea.  A cliche.  And yet another self depreciating one.  To believe that at the end of your life, you’re going to go hang out with rock stars, or live in a beautiful forest, or whatever your fantasy is, is taking away from reality.  It’s taking away from where you are, and it’s taking away from your own sense of responsibility for yourself.  This is because your hope should come from what you want to accomplish here, not what you want to accomplish to achieve what you believe when you are dead.  It should be about what YOU believe is right.  What your aspirations are.

And then we talked about aspirations.  He desperately wants to quit his job because he feels it’s wasting his life.  He, like we talked about, is employed as a social interactor, rather than working based on a skill set or intellectual ability.  He aspires, as I wrote before, to be a famous author, and the job he has currently, prevents his progress on this.

Finally we talked about my lack of aspiration other than to be self sufficient.  I have accomplished that now.  I am content with my unintellectual, skill set, socially interactive profession.  I told him I know all of this to be true, but that most things, stupid or not are not make me laugh and happy.  He called me a hybrid.  An intellectually frustrated, content hybrid. haha I liked that.

There’s no way I can record everything we talked about, but this is a decent gist of it.  It was outrageously refreshing to talk to someone so smart, and interested in learning more about everything.  I felt almost like I was sitting in on a professor’s lecture, but for some reason he finds me intelligent enough to hang out with, which makes me feel pretty fantastic.  I hope someday I can communicate as well as him, orally or otherwise. It’s all poetry. All of it.

I have a great life.  I have a place to live now.  But I’m not really living.  Or actually, I enjoy my life, but it’s a “lonely” one.

I’ve been analyzing my own habits lately since obviously the shop has been dead.  One thing I have been noticing is my guy friend to girl friend ratio.  I feel like there’s something wrong with that.  I’ve looked up what it means according to other brilliant users of the internet.  To them it means that I want to escape hanging out with the caddy bitches of the world, and by doing so, I fancy myself to be above the caddy bitchiness.  I know who I am, and I know I’ve been as caddy and bitchy as the next gal.

Others think I want to be one of the guys.  I don’t think that’s it either.  I enjoy male company because usually they’re more blunt, and go out of their way to make me laugh more often.  But I know I’m missing out on having real friendships, as I have a theory, guys and girls can never truly be friends, because one or the other always has an ulterior motive.  In my case, it’s always the guy, as I am attracted to no guy I know really.  Which is outrageously different for me.

I think the reason I have more guy friends is because I don’t want any kind of intimacy lately.  I think that’s probably bad.  I just have been enjoying having no kind of responsibility to anyone other than my job and family.  

I really like coming home, having a beer by myself, and surfing the net, watching the news, reading a book, just by myself.  Relationships are fucking stressful.  And I love not having that stress.  I do fear loneliness for the future, because I realize the selfishness I have been experiencing lately in just loving fending for myself.  I really, really, don’t think I’ll ever truly fall in love.  I just don’t see it.  I have said it far too much, and felt it far too little.

At work, again because it’s so slow, we’ve been having funny conversations.  One, related to my favorite quote from Annie Hall - “

Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Female street stranger: Yeah. 
Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it? 

Female street stranger: Uh, I’m very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say. 
Male street stranger: And I’m exactly the same way. 
Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That’s very interesting. So you’ve managed to work out something? 

So that just makes me think, as I have thought, that anyone in a relationship is just stupid.  I’ve never been unquestionably happy with someone else.  I don’t think that truly happens.  I don’t think there is decisive happiness with another person.

Which is why I am okay drinking and activitying by myself.  I like being left to my own thoughts, like these.  Obviously, I know I’m very effected by others opinions.  I think I’ll get over that.  Until then, life is good.  And I know what I have to look forward to.

And this isn’t to say I don’t care about people.  I do.  I love my family, even though some of it doesn’t care about me terribly much right now.  Well, really half at the moment.  And there are other people I care about who I choose not to talk to for both our benefits.  There are just some people who effect eachother negatively.  So that’s all I’ve got.

What a beautiful piece of man.

(via probablybusy-deactivated2012033)

Is there a boy that you would do absolutely everything for? 
No, that’s stupid

If you could die to save someone you loved, would you? 
I’d rather die, than live without them. This is family love.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? 
Umm, too much reflection on life.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? 
My pops I’m sure.

Are you dating the last person you talked to? 
No.

Are you happy right now? 
Not terribly, a little bummed actually.

What are you sitting on right now? 
My bed.

Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message from? 
What’s with all the absolutes here?

Have you ever wanted someone you can’t have? 
I’m sure. Can’t think of who right now though.

A random person yells to you, “Aybaybay.” what do you say back? 
Haha probably just laugh.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 
Brookie Cookie.

If an ex said they hated you, you say? 
Finally.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? 
Summer. 100%

Do you think relationships are even worth it? 
I’m guessing this means romantic relationships. So I guess so. I’ve always had some good times in my relationships. But they always end up sucking. So the good times make it worth it I guess.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? 
I know like one person, so it wouldn’t really be an issue.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? 
Yes, the public of my area isn’t really worth dressing up for.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? 
I’ve certainly gotten much better at it.

What do you hear right now? 
That funked up shoes song. It’s so catchy.

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? 
Not really. I have a great Dad, and maybe that’s spoiling. I was never handed too much for free though.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? 
Haha yep. Woops.

Have you ever been called beautiful? 
Yep, because I am.

Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars? 
Yes. I could use 1,000, and people eat bugs all the time without knowing it.

Is it possible to be single and happy? 
That’s a dumb question. Absolutely.

When you find pretty feathers on the ground, do you keep them, even though they’re probably diseased? 
Bird Flu, no thank you.

Do you like it when people play with your hair? 
Yes.

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? 
No, I enjoy my jail free life.

Have you ever been told you’re a bad person? 
Dumb. Not phrased that way, but everyone has. Or they’re just boring.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks? 
I wouldn’t like it if they didn’t at all. But I don’t want an alchy.

Are you starting to realize anything? 
Yes. Many a thing.

Would you live with someone without marrying them? 
I don’t know if I ever want to get married, so yes.

First thing you do when wake up? 
Drank some delicious coffee

Are you wearing socks right now? 
No.

Have you ever wasted your time on something? 
I’m a professional time waster.

Have you ever been searched by the cops? 
Yes. For hanging out by myself at a gas station waiting for someone. It was glorious.

What hoodie did you wear last? 
My huge college one.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? 
Yes, but I mostly cougar it up.

Do you cry? 
Dumb question.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? 
Yes.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?  

No 

Can you last 3 months in a relationship? 
I can last longer. Or i have. I don’t know about now. 

Do you trust all of your friends? 
I wouldn’t consider them friends if I didn’t. Which is why I have like 2. 

Who was the first person you talked to today? 
Talk talk? my dad.

Do you know anyone whose name starts with a S? 
 Yeah

 Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? 
No, girls and guys can’t really be just friends.

I wonder if there’s ever a real situation, when two people feel so strongly about each other from the get-go, that neither party ever questions whether they are supposed to be with the other.

Am I a horrible person for always questioning this, no matter who I’m with? It’s kind of a fade in, fade out feeling, but I always do.  Even after rationalizing what a great person, the person I’m with is.

I don’t know, I kind of feel like I have a screw lose or something. 

Have you had sex in the past three weeks.
Noppers

Are you afraid of falling in love?
No.

Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
That’s weird as shit to think about. I don’t think so.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
Perhaps

Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
That’s a dumb question. Everyone has done that. Next.

Who did you last hold hands with?
A little guy in one of my classes. So cute. hahaha

Do you remember who you liked in grade seven?
Yes I do. Hahaha I’ve had terrible taste for so long.

Do you have any television obsessions?
Mad Men.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t?
Oh yes.

Did you get kissed last night?
Not even close.

Ever kissed a brown eyed person?
Considering the majority of people have brown eyes..

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Not really into- I’m usually more into the youngies. hahaha I’m gross.

What color are your eyes?
Light Brown.

How did you get most of your scars?
Complete clumsiness.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
It’s almost that time of the month. So more than ever. Hahaha ew.

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
More than anything.

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do?
Probs.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger?
Hahaha no. Actually maybe my sister.

You wake up, all your hair is gone, your first reaction?
Tears. I’ve cried many a time over bad hair cuts.

What/who woke you up this morning?
My alarm clock.

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?
I’m out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Where did you sleep the night before last?
My bed. As per uzsh

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you?
One of my parents. I don’t have friends really.

What’s one of your locked text messages?
I don’t have any locked

Would you be mad if your best friend dated the person you liked?
It depends on how much I liked him.

Plans for tomorrow?
Worky work.

If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
Absolutely

Are you one of those people who constantly checks the time?
Yah.

Would you rather have a smoothie or milkshake?
Milk shake. Chik-fil-a

What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored?
Drink alchohol. or have a good make out. I miss good make outs. Or climb rocks. Or go on road trips.

Do you like someone?
I am attracted to someone, yes. It’s so wrong though.

What is the relationship between you and the last person you texted?
Friends.

Do you dislike anyone? 
Yes.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? 
Only because I give them too many chances.

Are you in a relationship? 
Free as a bird.

Are you ready to get out of this town?
So very ready.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
My dear old dad.

Are you happier now or four months ago? 
I’m content with what I have now, and what I’m working towards.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months? 
Many things

Do you give out second chances too easily? 
I do.

Are you open with your feelings to people?
I’ve gotten better, mostly because I care less about other’s thoughts of me.

What’s upset you the most in the past week? 
The absence of certain team members. not really upsetting-just a bummer.

Were you happy when you woke up this morning? 
I was a bit giddy actually.

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? 
No time

When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? 
I used to have sex day dreams. ahaha

Is it okay to like someone else when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
It just means it’s time for a break up. That’s not something a person can really help. Attraction isn’t the choice, it’s the action taken.

What’s your favorite color out of these five? Green, Yellow, Blue, Pink or Red? 
Green.

What is your mom saved as in your phone? 
Her name..

Would you ever get an eyebrow piercing? 
I used to have one.

What are you doing this weekend? 
Awesoming.

Anything happen to you within the past month that has made you really angry? 
yes

Do you trust all your friends? 
I unfriend those I don’t trust. Hence my small amount of friends. 

What was last thing you drank?
Coke Zero.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? 
Dog. Cats are sneaky and awful.

Would you rather someone lie to protect you or be honest and hurt you?
Depends on the sit.

Your brother tells you he’s in jail, what do you say? 
Bummerooskies.

Was the last persons you were in a car with under the age of 21?
No.

Will you be single over winter? 
Most likely.

Did you date anyone over the summer?
Nope.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like?
Wouldn’t be surprized

Do you miss your past?
I miss when I was really thin.

Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone?
Outside with friends.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? 
From work.

How has the week been?
Not terrible.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
With dating, noone does.

Last kiss mean anything?
No. 

What were you doing before you got on the computer? 
Teaching

Where is the person you last kissed at this moment? 
I don’t care.

Is there someone who can ALWAYS make you smile? 
There’s people that make me laugh very easily. And I enjoy them.

Is the last person you texted single?
I hope so. I would enjoy a makeout. Hahaha

Did you sleep alone last night?
Yes. As us.

What’s more important, trust or happiness?
I couldn’t be happy with someone I don’t trust.

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? 
My outrageous libido. God damn. haha

Layers.

Layers

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE. 
Full Name: Anon
Birth Date: Boop
Current Location: Trabajo
Hair Color: Yellow
Righty/Lefty: Right

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Never being able to love. Spiders 
Your dream of the perfect date: Anywhere, as long as I’m being wooed god damn it.
Goals you’d like to achieve: Avoid poverty. Have more friends. Be skinny. Have someone to love who loves me back.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: Not enough sleep.
Your best physical feature: My abs. Hands down.
Your bed time: Now it will be early. And I’m going to love it.
Your most missed memory: 8th grade. Before boyfriends. Before sex. Before alcohol. Before cigarettes.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK. 
Pepsi or Coke: Coke Zero
McDonald’s or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: I would like someone unclingy enough to enjoy group.
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Chocolate or Vanilla: Swirl
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee. Cappuccino is too strong.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Cigarettes. Classy. (That’s why I hide it from most people)
Cuss: When I play my sport.
Take showers: Every once in a while.
Have a crush: Sort of, but not one I want to do anything with. Too young for me.
Like school: I enjoyed it.
Believe in yourself: Too vague. Depends on the situation
Believe what goes around comes around: Not really.
Believe everything happens for a reason: No.
Think you’re a health freak: Negatory

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH. 
Gone to the mall: Yah
Been on stage: Nope
Eaten sushi: Si
Been hurt: I walk into things alot.
Dyed your hair: Negatory

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER. 
Played a stripping game: Nope. Not my thing.
Kissed the same sex: Never
Gotten beaten up: Like that would EVER happen
Changed who you were to fit in: Probs

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD. 
Age you’re hoping to be married by: I don’t care. I just want to have a nice apartment right now. With a nice dog.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: Ew. I don’t want to think about any living things growing inside of me.

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: Depends
Hair color: Still depends.
Short or long hair: Generally I like long better.
Fat or fit: Fit or skinny. I’m not a fan of fat.
Looks or personality: Both. There’s no “or.”
Fun or serious: Botheroo

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE. 
I FEEL: the fat on my thighs.
I HATE: that I love smoking so much.
I HIDE: my cigarette use, not terribly well though.
I NEED: to make mo money.
I LOVE: climbing rocks.

Why do I ever date anyone, when I feel so damn relieved whenever I break up with my datee? 

Whenever next time is, he’s going to have to be awesome. Absolutely awesome.

That’s exactly what a break up means. Gotchya bitches.

Nope. Don’t agree with that either. Nope. You can certainly love people you have broken up with.

I’m probably going to be disgustingly positive. About that.

• Question: Can I just say, that what you said about men (that people shit their pants over because they can't accept someone's opinion) definitely cheered me up and made my day yesterday. I have been on a "quest" to find that "perfect" man- which totally doesn't exist- and have just been meeting assholes who just want to have a good lay then tell their friends and leave. It's so annoying and I was feeling totally down on myself, questioning my self worth even, and then I read what you posted. And I agree with you, self love comes first and women don't have to find that "perfect" man that has been drilled into each woman's mind over the decades (straight up fuck you Disney). We can function without dating someone, and we shouldn't have a dire need to find a man that will take care of us. We're born alone, we die alone. - k0sm0s
• Answer:

  Well, I am very pleased to have made one person’s day, and I really appreciate you telling me so. And I agree, they did indeed shit their pants.

• Question: "To those of you who liked my post, because there were more likes than complaints, I appreciate your likes, and acknowledge your sensibility." - Just to be clear, the majority of those people weren't liking YOUR post, they were liking the reblogs and commentary in response to your post and they hit the "like" button when it showed up on other peoples blogs. You seem to be under the impression that they were agreeing with you or liked what you said, which is not true (only one of those "likes" shows up for your post specifically). - Anonymous
• Answer:

  Thank you for clearing that up for me. I am quite new to tumblr, and I don’t really look at other blogs, so I guess I don’t know how it all works too well. I created this for myself and didn’t realize other people would actually seek out my anonymous opinions. This will be my last response to my post a few days ago, because as glad as I am to have feedback, your opinions mean very little to me, and you’re wasting my time and inbox storage.

  To those who liked the reblogs, or reblogged it, or even liked my post, because you seem so concerned with my opinions(I’m flattered, really), this is what I say to you:

  Did you know there is a blog out there called feministsaresexist, or something like that, which just seeks out other’s opinions, other’s quotations, and just reposts them? Sometimes they ad in their own analysis, sometimes not, but from what I saw, and I didn’t look too closely, there’s very little original thought. No creativity. Actually, most of the blogs I looked at just repost quirky little pictures and clever little quotations(by “quirky” and “clever,” I mean cliché).

  Now, I’m not saying my opinions are purely original, because quite frankly, that’s impossible. But to those of you with such little creativity you feel the need to formulate your ideas based directly(reblogging seems to be as direct as it gets) upon berating or advocating others opinion’s, I hope someday you develop the ability to produce your own ideas and quotations, along with the capacity to learn from yourself.

• Question: Nice job not posting your asks. Are you going to answer my question, or are you afraid to admit you were wrong? - Anonymous
• Answer:

  Oh I’m sorry, I deleted all of my “asks” because they were all stupid. But go ahead and reask, and I will answer away. Also, the correct term is “questions.”

105 Notes? I feel like a Tumblr celebrity. To those of you who liked my post, because there were more likes than complaints, I appreciate your likes, and acknowledge your sensibility. I hope you found it humorously empowering, because I know I did.

To those of you who were so thoroughly offended, think I should give up any future male children for adoption, believe I am a broken hearted bitch, or that I should be kicked off of tumblr for a “hate speech” (I’m not going to address you individually).. I say, grow up. I agree, you probably are all useless men, as one complainer commented. You all probably have small, leaky penises. I agree, I can be quite a bitch, but my previous post was more truth than bitchiness.

My intent, quite obviously, was not to label men as “unnecessary” in some kind of Hitleresque-sex-cleansing kind of way, but rather to convey that men are unnecessary in the female pursuit of happiness. Its purpose is to show that self love should precede any other kind of love and women should consider their own happiness before anyone elses. Its obvious purpose is that women need to focus more on themselves for themselves, instead of for the objective of finding a man. Finally its purpose is to show the importance of self sufficiency, and how much more obtainable it is for women. This is all apparent if you read the entry in its entirety, instead of pulling out individual quotations. It’s all connected.

To readdress those who were so hurt, the overwhelming majority seeming to be men, I don’t think you would be so offended if you didn’t find some truth to my entry. It seems like you really do feel inferior. I assume you were most offended by that fact that vibrators accomplish their purpose more efficiently than you do. My suggestion: Do yourself and your lady friends a favor, head on over to the doc and get a prescription for that premature ejaculation. Or purchase that penis pump. Your insecurity seems much deeper than just offense to some woman you don’t even know calling you unnecessary. Get on that.

And to those who didn’t find “The Power of Vagina” funny, I pity you. That’s a hilarious concept.